Levels of Drama
You determine how much drama you want to and will have in your life
Hi, I'm Kat!
What I am most passionate about is to inspire you to see that your life is your own and biggest masterpiece.
All drama is solely created in our minds. There is no drama outside of us, of our mind.
I actually realised that this week – once again. Because, basically, I already know this. I have known this for a long time. But, it actually is a constant work in progress and I catch myself every now and then making the same old thinking mistakes, making up so much more drama than there actually is. So, for those of you not familiar with this concept, a little recap.
Basically, all of our reality is simply our interpretation of the facts around us. And this interpretation makes us think certain thoughts – and in the wake of these thoughts, feel certain emotions, do certain actions and bring about certain outcomes. Desired or undesired.
Therefore, all drama that we feel we are experiencing in our lives, is simply a creation of our own. Which is really hard to accept. Because, sometimes, it kinda feels good to blame others, to feel like the victim. But that is hardly ever, never the reality.
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How this works in real life
Not going down the rabbit hole when making a mistake
So, the first example I want to give you, is from my recent shop launch on my website. I have a website that features my art, and this podcast, but also has a shop integrated. So, you can buy art prints from this shop. Before you can shop there, I need to set it up. And while doing so, I had to work on myself to keep the level of drama low.
I had deleted a print file that I had worked on really hard – and I had to do it again from scratch. I wanted to freak out – but I didn’t. Because, yes, I could have been angry at myself, I could have told myself that I was rubbish at this thing or clumsy and spiralled down into the abyss. Instead, I knew that I myself am responsible for feeling lousy about this or channeling my energy into getting the work required for this done. So, I started again – and I actually did it better and faster than the first time around. And I certainly didn’t put any drama in it. Although, I could have.
Not guessing what others are thinking
Second, I walk my daughter to school every day. And up until now, we were walking with some other mums and their kids – because we live nearby and we like each other a lot. So, it is basically like a small morning walk with friends. This had been going on for over a year now. But, this school year, my daughters itinerary has changed and our mornings got a bit more stressful and we didn’t manage to be on time. Basically never – and believe me I am the most punctual person you could ever meet (which is another story in and of itself, actually). And the other parents got frustrated with me. Because they wanted to walk at a certain time and they waited for me. So, I thought, they were getting fed up with me, because they always pointed out that we were late and I got angry. Because my morning with two kids is everything but chilled or calm. Usually, I forget to brush my hair and have to run to a meeting right after getting her to school. So, I started to get pissed at them, because they stressed me. And one day I just told them in our little chat group that I felt that we were not welcome anymore in this group and that we would walk alone or with another friends of my daughter. But, all the time, I had the feeling that they didn’t like me anymore and I tried to justify my behaviour and fought for my case – although there was no case. Fast forward four or five weeks. When I meet the mums again at another occasion, it is full of warmth, respect, compassion and friendship. But I, in my screwed up mind, had blown the occurrence out of proportion. You can call it the reptile brain, like our oldest part of the brain – the fight or flight mechanism. I fought and justified – only in my brain. My thoughts of they don’t understand, they don’t like me, I do not fit in, I am not as organised or good a mum as they are led to feelings of anxiety, anger and resentment, which led to my actions of quitting the group with only a chat and not talking openly with them, which resulted in a quite long timespan that we did not communicate. Had I just opened the conversation earlier about how we should deal with my crazy mornings and whether they should simply leave at a certain time, this could have all been avoided. But, honestly, you first have to realise what you are thinking and feeling and then get out of it. Write it down, see where you actually need to talk to people. Having an argument only in your own brain won’t ever bring to the light the truth – and most importantly, never ever happiness
Putting work and achievement in perspective
Third, work! I guess every one of us has had drama at work at a certain point in time, am I right? Stress with clients, coworkers, bosses, colleagues and suppliers. Deadlines, budgets and meetings eat up our time and resources continually and the demands seem to get higher and higher with every new job we take. Or is it just me? I am very prone to overwhelm when I am confronted with fluid responsibilities, unclear team structures, micro-management, confrontation and bad feedback. This sounds like a long list, but actually, I guess most people would find this a less than ideal situation. As a disclaimer, I am no neurosurgeon and my work does not impact the life, the actual life of other people. So, I recall some scenarios where I would freak out, when I was almost crying at work, when I snapped at coworkers, when I was close to being harsh or making snarky remarks because I felt offended, not valued and overwhelmed. But, again, it is all in my head. It is all in my hands whether a situation becomes dramatic for me or something to learn from. The level of drama I brought to my work was insane because I had shouldered way more responsibility than I wanted as a mom of two young kids. And I wanted to do a job like I was a 20 year old single person. It is not possible. Overwhelm as a parent is something we have to deal with way more often than people without kids. There is so much more you have to keep in mind, that you have to think about (the proverbial mental load of mums), we have hardly any free time, we have to define our role, because there is no fixed role as a mum. And trying to be both the best employee and the best mum and take care of your health, your friendships and your own dreams seems like too tall an order for one lifetime. So, I have had to work really hard on my mind, my thoughts about my work. One of my dearest colleagues had said these exact words to me: “What we do, ain’t brain surgery. Everybody will live.” And he is so right. So, this is the one thing, I bring to the table now. Yes, there are deadlines and people will be pissed if I do not meet them – but nobody dies, and if things are only 80% perfect, that is fine with me as well. Also, I only life once and Kim Cattrall, the wonderful XX from Sex and the City had posted some days ago on Instagram “Don’t do anything that won’t make you happy for even an hour.” First, I thought that was frivolous, something only rich people and celebrities can say. But, it is up to me to enjoy my work. I have the best team at work, I love them, I can dance and sing with them and I actually like every single person I meet in the hallways. I have fun. I love connecting, I love what I learn. So, I focus on that. It is my mind, my thoughts that will inform my feelings and actions. And for all those that feel really miserable at work: If there is nothing that makes you feel good, take that as a positive thing – it shows you that this ain’t the place for you. It’s the law of contrast. You need contrast, like the bad experiences, to reach for the good ones. But, to see that, you first need to be aware of your thoughts – because your thoughts will inform your feelings and therefore the level of drama you will have in our life.
With all my love!