#9 That’s exactly what I wanted

A couple of years ago, I read the book “How to make every man want you” by Marie Forleo from 2008. I know: it sounds a bit desperate, but it is a wonderful guide for a fulfilled and independent life – with or without a man. 

Basically, it’s about accepting situations. What you reject, persists. And that means situations that we actually don’t want. The more energy we waste on how stupid we think the situation is and that we would like it to be so much different, the more penetratingly the unwanted situation persists. Only when we learn to let go and accept the situation for what it is, will we get over it and be able to move on to a better situation. 

The first exercise Marie Forleo suggests, which I find quite wonderful and actually use: 

When something happens that we think is really totally stupid – for example, someone cuts you off in the right of way, or we drop a carton of milk on the floor and it breaks open, or we accidentally delete a document and have to start all over again:. These are all situations that throw us off balance, that upset us, that conjure up negative feelings in us. Forleo advises in such moments to say out loud to yourself, “And that’s exactly what I wanted.” What she means is that everything we experience is already a manifestation. And the more we resist these situations, the harder it becomes for us to be positive, to have positive vibrations and to overcome the situation quickly and easily. The sooner we accept that this is the way the situation is and everything in our lives is a manifestation, the sooner we can be positive again and continue on our way. 

I have actually tried this a few times now – and it works. Because you have to laugh when something happens and you say out loud, “And that’s exactly what I wanted.” 

The second exercise is to realize that there is only the one moment. That we really only ever have this one moment. Past and future are theoretical entities, we always live only in this one moment. And that is exactly what makes us go into the world with a serenity and cheerfulness: We have only this moment. We can struggle with it or accept it. But since there is only this one, it would certainly make sense to enjoy it and take advantage of it. 

The third exercise is acceptance of the situation. Which for me also makes the connection between gratitude and manifestation.  Namely, Forleo talks about accepting the “is-ness”, the being-ness of the situation. Again the principle: what we resist, persists. And that only in this way we can change the situation. 

An example: You don’t like your job. But the fact at the moment is: This is your job. You can be angry about it every day. Or you can accept that it is your job, do your best in this situation, you can still look for another job, but accept your situation and don’t complain about it. 

Another example: You have your apartment, which you don’t really like and actually you want to move. That’s why you haven’t hung up any pictures yet, the wardrobe isn’t really what you wanted and you haven’t bought the really nice bed linen yet either. But the fact is: this is your home right now, so accept it and make it beautiful. Buy the great bedding, hang artwork. Just make the very best of your current situation. 

The same goes for our relationships: We may have issues with our parents, but more often than not, our childhood stories are tied to a childlike perspective that is a bit wrong. And the fact is: our parents are our parents. We can feel sorry for a long time that our childhood wasn’t better or that we didn’t have better role models – but the fact is: that’s the situation. And it can’t be changed. Should we now spend our entire lives resenting them? Or should we make an effort to get to know our parents all over again? To accept that they are in our lives, that they wanted our best, that they did their best and that they will not be here forever? 

The paradox is that the less we resist and accept the situation, the more likely it is to change to suit our desires. We are positive and active and have a zest for our lives. This combination of zest for life and acceptance can work wonders. 

xx, Kat